life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
