9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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