All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
