Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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