Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
