So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
