At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
