you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
