oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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