Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.

Fav 15 2379 6945
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(352): View more from Florida

Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.

Fav 6 4162 1436
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(510): View more from California

Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.

Fav 24 5563 1422
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(760): View more from California

my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night

Fav 4 2821 1015
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(614): View more from Ohio

There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.

Fav 4 1523 698
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(301): View more from Maryland

And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"

Fav 5 562 866
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(912): View more from Georgia

Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....

Fav 11 2397 777
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(216): View more from Ohio

I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.

Fav 1 436 338
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(314): View more from Missouri

you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying

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