He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
