Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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