my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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