When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
