oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
