So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
