I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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