What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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