im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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