she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
