also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
