honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
