I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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