I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
