I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize