I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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