So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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