My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
