Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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