One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
