he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
