Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
