just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
