you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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