I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
