Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
