He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
