consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
