fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
