Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
