You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize