Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
