i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
