i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
