His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
