you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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