um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
