Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
