1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
