I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
