ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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