remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
