i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
