see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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