she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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