It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
