Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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