Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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