Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
