"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
