My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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