my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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