remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
