Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
