I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
