Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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