This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
