I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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