Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
