all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
