In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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