dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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