apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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