Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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